It is now illegal to set off a flare at a music festival

Words by Billy Hodder.

Under a new amendment to the Policing and Crime Bill, individuals can now face up to 3 months in jail if they are caught setting off flares, fireworks or smoke-bombs at music festivals.

You would have thought we have endured enough misery and suffering from 2016. But apparently not. Fancy getting off your nut on your mates shoulders while setting off a flare during an inevitable headline set from Kasabian at Reading and Leeds next year to help yourself cope with the depressive state of life? Well, you can’t even do that anymore.

Government spokesperson Baroness Chisholm of Owlpen has stated “The misuse of fireworks, flares and smoke bombs at festivals and other live musical events by members of the public is an increasing problem and deeply concerning. This offence will help prevent harm that can come from the misuse of such dangerous articles and allow everyone to enjoy live music events safely.”

We’re not really sure who Baroness Chisholm of Owlpen is, but she sounds like the sort of teacher at primary school who wouldn’t even let you have a few rounds of ‘heads down, thumbs up’ on a Friday afternoon. She’s the mate who always leaves the pub before it’s their round. She’s the sort of person who wants to ensure your life maintains a downward spiral after the sh*tshow of 2016. To put it simply – we don’t really like her.

We have found a loop-hole though. The new amendment only extends to England. Once again proving that Scots know how to have more fun. T in The Park anyone?

All in all we wouldn’t mind three months in prison. It could be a nice bit of time to reflect on the sad, depressing, dismal and despairing state of 2016. Who really wants to be a citizen in a world ruled by Donald Trump and Theresa May anyway?

We’re probably going to take absolutely zero notice of this and by the looks of it, neither are you lot.

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